The Wolf and The Hawke part 1

Title: The Wolf and The Hawke part 1

Author: Phsbarbie (Natasha Poe)

Game: Dragon Age 2

Characters/Pairings: Fenris & Female Hawke(Kiara Hawke)

Disclaimer: Dragon Age 2 and all it's characters are the intellectual property of Bioware/EA.



    I hate this place. I hate coming here. I hate the overpowering perfume, I hate the way the mistress glares at me like she thinks I'm going to steal something, but most of all I hate the way they look at her. 

    I have no right to, of course. I destroyed things between Hawke and I years ago. And it was completely my fault. She wanted to talk through things, work on them together, but I couldn't deal with the memories. So I left, not even spending the entire night, and in doing so left the only happiness I've ever had behind.

    I walk a few steps behind Kiara, as usual, watching her back. I also watch the whores of the Blooming Rose throwing themselves at her, offering their wares for free. I can't blame them, she's a beautiful woman. And even though I know I have no right to feel jealous or possessive, I still do.

    "I still don't know what Hawke ever saw in you," says a voice from beside me, coming from a man I truly detest. "I mean the two of you have nothing in common." He's right, though I'd never admit it to him. Kiara Hawke and I make more sense as rivals than as lovers, and yet I treasure any time we spend together. "You were an idiot to leave her."

    Hearing the words I've said so often to myself coming out of Anders' mouth makes me snap. "If you're so concerned about Hawke's love life why don't you try to take my place?" I regret the words as soon as they're spoken. I wouldn't be able to handle seeing Kiara with Anders. I'd have to either kill him or myself. Perhaps both.

    Anders eyes narrow. "I tried that. For some reason she's still stuck on you. Don't get your hopes up though. I'm not done trying yet." His words stun me into silence. Not the part about him making a move, I'd be more surprised if he hadn't, but that Hawke is still stuck on me. Do I still have a chance after all?

    Kiara's laugh from up ahead pulls my attention. One of the males has apparently made her an appealing offer, one she seems to be contemplating. I can't take this anymore.

    "Hawke," I say, taking a step forward. She looks up at me in surprise. I guess she should be surprised. Over the last three years I don't believe I've initiated a single conversation. Easier for her to hate me, I thought. But now... now it seems she doesn't hate me after all. I realize she's still staring at me. Now or never. "I, uh, I was hoping to speak to you. Alone. When you... get the chance," I finish lamely. I feel like such an idiot, but her attention is now firmly off the half naked male and on me. 

    She nods slowly. "Of course, Fenris. Is half an hour soon enough? I just need to stop by the estate and wash off some of this bandit blood and Coast grime."

    I return her slow nod with my own quick one. Perhaps a touch too quick. Why can't I ever get this right? "Of course, I should do the same." The wry, half smile I only seem to wear in her presence surfaces. "They certainly did bleed a lot today. How about you come to my mansion afterwards?" 

    She smiles. "I'll see you there."

    Anders has been watching this exchange in stony silence. He waits until I've turned to leave before he breaks it. He should have waited a bit longer until I was out of earshot. He'd have a much higher survival rate that way. "Hawke, I know it isn't my place to criticize, but are you sure about this? Fenris seems less a man to me than a wild dog."

    I spin back to face him and step towards him menacingly. "A wild dog perhaps, but dangerous only to you, never to her. Kiara has rejected your advances. Perhaps it's time you took the hint."

    "I love her!" he declares, as if that makes a shred of difference to me. "You can't even imagine what that is."

    "Do not bare your heart to me, mage," I snarl, "unless you would have me rip it out."

    "Enough!" says Hawke, stepping between the two of us. "I appreciate your concern, Anders, but you just don't know him." Her attempt at deescalating things falls flat.

    Anders looks beyond her to me, his eyes briefly flaring blue. I feel my lyrium markings burn in response. "I know as much as I'm ever likely to."

    "Looks like you're finally right about something," I shoot back. 

    Anders continues as if I hadn't spoken, turning his gaze back to Hawke. "He has let one bad experience color his whole world. Surely you want someone more open minded?"

    A harsh bark of laughter escapes me. "A mage and a hypocrite. What company you keep, Hawke."

    Hawke glares at me and then at Anders. "I said enough! I understand the two of you hate each other, but you're both forgetting one thing- I am not a piece of meat for two dogs to fight over. I belong to neither of you. Now if you'll excuse me I'll be spending my night at the estate. Alone." Without another word she strides out of the brothel, letting the doors slam behind her. 

    "Vashedon!" I curse, turning back to take some of my anger out on Anders only to find Varric now standing between us. 

    "Come now Broody, Blondie, how do you think Hawke will react if she finds out the two of you actually came to blows after that display?"

    I realize he's right, damn it, though it does nothing to abate my anger. "Then keep him the hell away from me, Varric," I say through clenched teeth, heading for the exit. 

    "Will do," says Varric almost cheerfully. The doors slam shut behind me too. 

    I go back to my mansion and do what I'm known for doing: I brood. I shouldn't have risen to Anders' bait. If I had just kept walking Hawke would be here with me right now. I hate him. 

    The floors of this place have seen miles of pacing, and tonight is no different. I almost wish I hadn't finished off Danarius's wine, but then again getting drunk is not the answer this time. Neither is killing the mage, no matter how tempting the thought. I made this mess three years ago when I left Hawke in the middle of the night and I've wallowed in it long enough. I don't know if I can fix it, I just know that I have to try. 

    The sun has long since set when I get to Hawke's estate. It's late enough, in fact, that Hawke answers the door herself in just her robe. Well, her robe and her dagger. Her servants are dismissed at a specific hour, anything that happens after that is up to her to handle. 

    She looks surprised to see me. "Fenris? What are you doing here?"

    I clear my throat. "Hello, Hawke. Can I come in?"

    She considers this a moment before taking a step back and fully opening the door. "I thought I was pretty clear about wanting to spend my evening alone," she says, a bit pointedly.

    "And yet I felt I must speak to you, even still." Damn it, I'm pacing in her foyer. 

    Hawke sighs. "I was just relaxing by the fire. Why don't we go sit in there? Or, if you'd prefer, I can sit and you can pace."

    I follow her into the room and, true to form, I can't sit still. I try not to pace though, limiting myself to standing in one spot. I take a deep breath. "You and I have never really talked about what happened between us three years ago." Perhaps I should have lead up to this point, but words have never been my strong suit.

    Kiara's eyebrows hit her hairline. "I got the impression you didn't want to talk about it."

    I look away from her, staring into the fire. "I felt like a fool. I thought it better if you hated me- I deserved no less. But it isn't better. Not at all." I face her, look into her eyes, and I've never felt so vulnerable in all my life. "What you said earlier, that you don't belong to me, that's true. But I want you to know that I do belong to you. I'm yours, Kiara." She looks cautious and definitely as if this isn't the conversation she expected us to have. I hurry onward. "I remember your touch as if it was yesterday, it haunts me every night. I should have asked your forgiveness long ago, I hope you can forgive me now."

    "I need to know why you left," she says, gently but firmly. It's one of the things I love about Hawke. Behind all the jokes and laughter is a woman of steel. 

    I feel the need to pace again but force myself to stay rooted to the spot. "I've thought about the answer to that a thousand times. All I can say is I was a coward. If I could go back, I would stay. Tell you how I felt." I find myself moving closer to her. "How I feel."

    "And what would you say?" she asks, barely breathing.

    I kneel in front of her and caress her face with my palm. "That nothing could be worse than the thought of living without you." This is it, I've laid my heart on the line. I can only hope she still loves me too.

    The slow smile spreading across her face is my answer. "Oh, I don't know. This could be fun to hold over you for-"

    I lean forward, capturing her sweet lips with my own. "If there is a future to be had, I will walk into it gladly at your side." I might hate the mage, but I really should thank him. Without his taunts I'd never have known I still had a chance. 

    "Speaking of futures," says Hawke, wrapping her arms around my neck, "how would you feel about moving from your mansion to mine?" 

    I pull her to her feet and sweep her into my arms, moving towards her bedroom upstairs. "That will have to wait until tomorrow. I have other plans for tonight."

    Kiara laughs. "I have missed you, Fenris."

    I smile down at her, a genuine, happy smile. "And I you, my love. And I you."